"Memories are a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years
After a most courageous battle with cancer for 28 months, Jacob landed safely in the arms of God and was healed forever on June 12, 2006. He will forever be 6 years old.
In February 2004, Jacob was diagnosed at the age of 3 with adrenocortical carcinoma, a rare cancer of the adrenal gland affecting only 15-20 children in the US a year. To read his diagnosis story and journal history please CLICK HERE.
Jacob was truly an amazing child who lived life to the fullest. He loved singing, dancing, fishing, swimming and going to Walt Disney World. But most of all he loved his brothers. Jacob had a heart of gold and taught us all so much during his short time on earth. He taught us to celebrate life, to walk in faith, to never give up and to always believe in miracles. He touched many lives with his contagious smile and silliness, and he was deeply loved by all who knew him. He was a most precious gift from God, a miracle, a hero, the most Amazing Jacob. He will live in our hearts forever.
Jacob has an older brother, Kyle, who is 9, triplet brothers Brandon & Devin who are 7 and a baby sister, Allie, who we adopted from Guatemala. She was born on February 20, 2007 - which just happens to be the same date that Jacob was diagnosed with cancer. The boys & Allie are such a blessing in our life!
We would like to thank everyone for all the love and support. We are overwhelmed by your generosity and you have touched our hearts and blessed our lives with your compassion, your encouragement and your prayers. May you always know how much your kindness has meant to us. May God bless each of you as you have so graciously blessed our family.
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Journal
Thursday, December 18, 2008 2:11 PM
Hello friends,
The holidays are quickly approaching and it is hard to believe that we are facing our third Christmas without Jacob. It just doesn't seem possible that he has been gone that long. Oh, how we miss him - especially now during the Christmas season.
I went back and read what I wrote last Christmas and I'd like to share it again . . .
The holidays are definitely a tough time of year . . . such conflicting emotions bouncing from happiness and joy to sadness and grief. I've said many times that celebrations and mournings walk hand in hand and that is especially true during the Christmas season.
Life can be moving along quite happily when something unexpected will make me miss Jacob and the overpowering emotion of grief will make me want to hide in my bed with the covers over my head till January! Grief is powerful enough on normal days . . . but during the holidays it seems to intensify and can literally knock the breath right out of you and bring you to your knees. And it gives me a whole new understanding of "BLUE CHRISTMAS." Christmas is a time of wonder and joy and thankfulness but it can also be a time of sorrow as we miss our loved ones who are no longer with us . . . definitely a roller coaster of emotions as we experience great joys with Kyle, Brandon, Devin & Allie yet also the deep sorrow of missing Jacob.
It is because of this sadness that the meaning of Christmas is all the more special to me. How tremendously thankful I am for the gift of Jesus for it is because of Him that I can live with the HOPE of seeing Jacob again. It is because of Him that I know that Jacob is filled with joy in the presence of God - with no pain, illness, suffering or tears. It is because of Him that although I miss Jacob so much it hurts - I also have peace in my heart because I know that Jacob is completely healed and happy at home with the Lord. And I know that God understands my tears and He loves us in our pain. He is always there to help us get through each day and his gifts are abundant to us if we can learn to trust in Him and BELIEVE!
And despite my moments of "hide under the covers grief" I know that I can't let it steal my JOY. I have four children on earth that make sure I get out of bed each morning and it doesn't usually take them long to turn my tears to laughter and make me realize that even though I have suffered a great loss, I am still blessed abundantly! And because I have experienced such great sorrow - I think I appreciate the moments of JOY all the more! Life is hard - but we keep moving forward with hope in our hearts, embracing both the times of joy and the moments of pain.
I read these words and realized that not much has changed during the past year - still feel the same way! :) Oh, how we miss Jacob. During the holidays, especially, I can't help but to wish that Jacob were still here on earth with our family. How I would love to watch him grow like his brothers. To say that we miss him just isn't enough - it is so much stronger than that.
Yet despite our tremendous loss . . . this big hole in our life . . . our family is doing well. Donnie & I have grown closer as a couple and we both have such a strong love and commitment to our family. I think we realize that the years go by so quickly and we want to enjoy every moment with the kids and each other. And the boys miss Jacob, too, yet are so resilient. They always tend to see the bright side of life and are always happy. There is much to be thankful for and there is so much JOY in our life. We feel so blessed and it is only by God's grace that we live each day with peace. God is the only way to get through such tremendous loss, such heartache and grief. He is the only way to true JOY.
Many people ask if grieving get any easier over time and that is such a hard question to answer. I think it does get easier - but it is important to remember that the grieving process never really ends. I cry less now and the pain of grief is not quite so sharp, but it doesn't change the fact that I still think about Jacob every single day and miss him terribly. Grief does not consume me anymore, yet it is a part of who I am now and is my connection to Jacob. My grief is not as strong as it used to be . . . but it will always be there - and I'm okay with that.
I wanted to share the following video of "The Christmas Hope" by Newsong. It is such a beautiful song . . . I hope you take the time to listen to it.
And of course, I just have to share some of my favorite Christmas photos of Jacob. It does my heart good to see his sweet face. He truly blessed my life!
"I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love." Leo F. Buscaglia
We are also doing "JACOB'S STOCKING PROJECT" again this year! We do miss Jacob more than ever during the holidays and it truly helps us honor him by filling his stocking to help others. If you would like to help - Please Click Here for more information.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a blessed 2009! Know that I am praying for all of you who are hurting this holiday season - May God be with you.
Ending with a scripture . . .
“But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see him for myself. Yes, I will see him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!" Job 19:25-27
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